Knocking on Doors

This is an image that has come to mind lately as an analogy for where I am at in my life now.  As I was talking with my friend Maria on Saturday, an image came to mind of me walking in this long hallway full of beautiful rooms.  Inside the rooms are groups of passionate people, doing their thing:   work, teaching, ministries, hobbies etc.

The image came to mind, in part, because I was trying to describe to her why I recently decided to stop attending and observing an amazing professor teach a second semester anatomy and physiology class.  Maria was the one who encouraged me to be in touch with this professor if I was interested in teaching some day, perhaps at the college level.  After meeting with him, he presented me with various opportunities to observe/potentially help TA a biology-related class.  I chose the only option in Burley, 2nd semester A&P.

Have I ever taken A&P? No, neither first nor second semester.  Did that stop me from going?  NO.  Because I was interested in the subject and excited to have the chance to watch an awesome teacher in action and potentially have the opportunity to teach myself.

At the get-go I was behind, partly because I went harvesting in Colorado with work and while I did take my book and study some, I was either too tired or too focused on spending time with my coworkers.  Coming back I worked to catch up.  It was a learning experience in and of itself to realize the level of commitment/dedication one needs to take a class and work, particularly a job with sometimes long and/or unpredictable hours.

The professor was brilliant.  In one class, I remember him picking up some red rags he used to clean the whiteboard, folding and twisting them carefully into a moebius strip, and showing us how the heart beats.  Focused on creating a learning environment where students didn't feel overly pressured to memorize trivial details for a brief time, but to get a sense of the 'big picture' of A & P, and to be able to "tell a story" with the information they had learned.  To connect things from molecule to the organism level in different body systems and give a sense of how each organ system helped the body maintain homeostasis (or dynamic equilibrium, that is, the process of maintaining a "healthy average" i.e. within healthy ranges of temperature/heartbeat/blood sugar/etc.).

If the experience was so great, why did I leave?  I left because my life was tipping off balance and I had trimmed my sails to point me in a direction different from where I have been heading.  Is it wrong to change your charted course?  No.  Is it wrong to just sail willy-nilly through the ocean with no sense of the kind of destination you seek?  Yes, in fact, that can be downright dangerous.

I felt I was sacrificing too much time to something that was not bringing me closer to using a more complete set of my passions, but rather felt like I was pigeon-holing myself into a role I neither felt prepared nor called to at this time, after observing.

Do I still want to teach someday?  Of course!  Those have been the moments I have felt most alive, when I am able to teach.  Do I feel called to be in a classroom?  Ayyyy, I don't know.  I think however I teach, it must be in a more active environment--where a lot of hands-on/practical/experiential learning takes place.

So what's with the rooms?  Well, as I was describing this whole decision to Maria, I realized that I am at a time and a place in my life where I have the opportunity to explore different rooms in this hallway.  There are good groups of people in all of them, passionate about their room, the good that they do there and ever-welcoming newcomers.  

Am I called to spend most of my time in a few of those rooms for this season of my life?  Yes, I think so.  Which ones are most life-giving for me at this point?  My job, planning adventures with friends, young adult ministry, connecting with my family, making music. 

The challenge, I think, is to walk into a room, explore and learn what you can from the people there, and then say:  "thank you so much, but I must be going."  It's hard because the people there start to include you in their dreams for the future:  "Well next semester there would be some opportunities for you to teach A & P...." You may even start to dream of what your future would hold in that room  "Well, maybe if I was in some remote village, it would be helpful for me to have some general sense of human A & P--it'd be useful like knowing first aid..." 

"It is good to be needed and wanted," my friend Amy reminded me as I shared my dilemma of having to "say goodbye" to this teaching observational period.  And indeed, it is.  But similarly to when a person realizes a relationship is not bringing them in the right direction, it's time to break up--and breaking up is not easy.

But, with every room I explore, I also find myself growing in humility--in honesty with my-true-self, my gifts, my limitations.

I begin to close with some excerpts from a book I was reading this evening by an amazing teacher, Fulton Sheen.  It's titled:  Way to Inner Peace.

We are all bent on attaining the new, but not sufficiently concerned with utilizing what we already possess.  Everyone boasts that he loves to knock at the door of truth, but the sad fact is that if the door opened, many would die of the shock.  (pg 17)
 ...
Knowing many things is different from knowing truth, just as a crazy quilt is different from a blueprint.  Ten thousand isolated bits of knowledge do not make for understanding, any more than the mixture of all the bottles on the shelves of a druggist makes for health.  A corpse has chemical elements as well as a live body, but a corpse lacks unity which only the soul can supply.  What the soul is to the body, that truth is to knowledge;  what the architect and his plan are to a building, that truth is to an education. (pg 17)
...
Education is presently directed to help students answer the question:  "What can I do?"  If a pencil were endowed with consciousness, it would not first ask itself:  "What can I do?" but rather:  "What am I?"  "What is my purpose?"  Once that was established, then the pencil would be prepared for writing.  When our youth has discovered the Truth about life, two conclusions will follow:  courage to be oneself, and humility to recognize his creatureliness:  that being a product, a result, a creature of the Power that made him, he will seek with the help of that Power to be a man--aye, more than a man--a child of God! (pg 19)

 And from later in my prayer tonight:

"For we are his handiwork, created in Christ Jesus for the good works that God has prepared in advance, that we should live in them."  -- Ephesians 2:10
 
 "The Lord made us, we belong to him."  --Psalm 100:3B

And so I hope and pray, that I may always remember WHOSE I am, and celebrate it, remembering that when I am in touch with that root of my being, my branches will grow sturdy and strong.  

"All things must come to the soul from its roots, from where it is planted." --St Teresa of Avila  

And a final story, as I was singing to open my time of prayer and reflection this evening, I couldn't quite settle on the right note by just hearing my guitar chords.  I tried to sing the song anyways, thinking I may just settle in the right key eventually.  Well, one verse in, that didn't happen, and singing was just weird and I had to stop, pluck out the right notes of the melody, hum, and find the right key.

The experience reminded me of what I have noticed--living without or with minimal prayer is kind of like singing a song you know in the wrong key and being constantly frustrated because you are off.  And you can't get back in sync until you take the time to work through the basic notes slowly, and then take off from there.  A jazz musician cannot improvise well without knowing the chords and tune to the melody. 

Reminds me of another excerpt from Fulton Sheen's Way to Inner Peace:  

"On the other hand, because a man knows the truth, his conduct will not necessarily be good.  But at any rate, he had a map:  he knows where he ought to go.  If he gets off the road he will not blame his ductless glands or his grandmother.  Even though he is off the road, he knows there is a right road." 

May we all seek and find the truth, living it in the freedom of God's children!

 

Friendship

Earlier today, moving around I thought to myself:  "My thighs are dying!"  And after 200+ squats at work yesterday I would say I would hope some of the fat there would be dying to form some muscle!


Love--is to desire and will the greater good of the other.  To the point of death.  Achieving new life comes at a price.  Death and surrender are necessary parts of that.


Death…is not necessarily the physical death, though love may necessitate surrendering one's life.  There are many ways we "die" to our own thoughts, plans, ideas, previous behaviors---in order that something new and beautiful may be nourished.


Just came back from watching Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier.  My little bro, Jake told me about it--about one scene where the Captain can't bring himself to kill his old friend Bucky, even though Bucky is on the enemy's side and undergone quite the brain wiping and brainwashing to where he doesn't even remember the Captain.


Without detailing the rest of the movie, I will say it is a testament to the truth and power of the following statement:


"No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends."


Those who are familiar with Christian scripture may recognize it as John 15:13.  What a challenge this truly is.  How many times I have failed to love in this way.  How many times have I chosen instead to ridicule friend's shortcomings, instead of lovingly and gently bringing them to light--out of the public arena.  


And now another statement also comes to mind:


"But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us."  Romans 5: 8.  I should be willing to love even when frustrated with the shortcomings and failings of myself or others--even and especially when it hurts!  To love even when someone is opposed to the direction I am heading in.  To hold my temper, hold my tongue.  For truth without love is cruelty.


May we remember too that in most cases our families taught us first about friendship, because our families likely first taught us how to love--even when members were different, at times obnoxious, or otherwise challenging to get along with.

May we all strive to truly love one another--both in and outside of our families.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014  English translation

Life is always an adventure!  

The last 9 to 10 months I have adopted this saying…or rather, it found me.  And so I begin a new step on this adventure…creating a blog!  Many thanks to my friend Luisa for helping me start…on my computer programmed in Spanish even though she doesn't speak it…all is part of the journey!

Why am I writing?

Well, I like to write, and typically have more to share than I have time to do…with my family, my friends…etc.  I think its partially thanks to how my mind works…always connecting ideas, even while I am doing something different.  Working as a technician for various scientific projects the last 5 years in Idaho, including some of my own, I have experienced time after time that while I am focused on doing something specific, and repeating it, my mind can rest a little.  While I rest from actively thinking about what I am doing…my brain is reflecting and making connections.  Writing these connections gives me direction, and helps me process the meaning of the events in life.  Its my hope that this blog, more than being a place where I can reflect and practice my written Spanish, would be a place that inspires others to reflect on life too.

Why do we need to reflect?

Many times we are spending time doing, doing, doing various things.  

In modern US culture, we feel pressure to do so many things.  I have fallen and continue to fall in this trap.  And when I do not prioritize time to reflect, I notice the difference in my life.  I walk without direction, I feel like I am doing everything and at the same time I don't finish things, I can't make priorities well, and my attitude towards my self and towards others is one without patience.  So I have hope that making this blog will give me another opportunity to reflect on the days and perhaps encourage others to do the same.

And the goal of reflection?

The goal of reflection…is to see the positive.  For me it is "to discover the adventure" in a difficult situation.  Many times this requires effort on our part…but it is always worth it.  "Rejoice always." (1 Thessalonians 5:16) comes to mind.  With what difficulty do we do this.  Sometimes it requires that, as we say in english:  to "fake it until you make it" or rather, we try to rejoice and trust that afterwards the feeling and belief that there is something to rejoice about in the difficult situations of our lives.

And what can I expect, reading this blog?

I hope you can expect to read the unexpected.  This naturally includes opportunities for you to help me with my written Spanish by means of the comments.  Keep reading the days to come to see a reflection from the time I spent with some friends at the beach in Oregon last weekend!

 

La vida es siempre una aventura!  

Los últimos 9-10 meses he adoptado este dicho…o mejor, me encontró.  Y así empiezo un nuevo paso de esta aventura…crear un blog!  Muchas gracias a mi amiga Luisa por ayudarme empezar…en mi computadora programada en español mientras ella no lo habla…todo es parte de la jornada.

Por que escribo?  

Pues, me gusta escribir, y típicamente tengo mas para compartir que tengo tiempo para hacer…con mi familia, mis amigos, etc.  Creo que es parcialmente gracias a como funcionar mi mente….siempre conectando ideas, aun mientras hago algo diferente.  En trabajar en como técnico para varias proyectos científicas los últimos 5 años en Idaho, incluso algunos de mis propios, he experimentado vez tras vez que mientras enfoco en hacer algo especifico, y repetirlo, mi mente puede descansar un poquito.  Mientras descanse de pensar activamente en lo que hago…el cerebro anda reflexionando y haciendo los conexiones.  Al escribir estas conexiones me da dirección, me ayuda procesar el significado de los eventos de la vida.  Es mi esperanza que esta blog, mas de ser lugar donde yo puedo reflexionar y practicar mi español escrito, seria lugar que inspira otros reflexionar en la vida también.

Por que hay necesidad para reflexionar?  

Muchas veces pasamos haciendo, haciendo, haciendo varias cosas.  En la cultura moderna de los Estados Unidos, sentimos presión hacer tantas cosas.  He caído y sigo cayendo en esa trampa.  Y cuando no hago prioridad tiempo para reflexionar, noto la diferencia en mi vida.  Ando sin dirección, siento que hago todo y a la vez no termino cosas, no puedo hacer prioridades bien, y mi actitud con mi misma y con otros es una sin paciencia.  Entonces tengo esperanza que hacer este blog me dará otra oportunidad reflexionar de los días y tal vez animar otros hacer lo mismo.

Y la meta de la reflexión? 

La meta de la reflexion…es ver lo positivo.  Para mi es "descubrir la aventura" en una situación difícil.  Muchas veces esto requiere esfuerza por nuestra parte…pero siempre vale la pena.  "Rejoice always." (1 Tesalonicenses 5, 16) llega a la mente.  Con que dificultad hacemos eso.  A veces requiere que, como decimos en ingles :  to"fake it until you make it" o mejor, intentamos regocijar y confiara que depues llegara el sentimiento y creencia de que hay algo para regocijar en la situaciones difíciles de nuestras vidas.

Y que espero yo, como lector de este blog?

Espero que puedas esperar leer de lo inesperado.  Esto incluirá naturalmente, oportunidades para ti ayudarme con mi español escrito por medio de comentarios.  Siga leyendo en los días que viene para ver alguna reflexión del tiempo que pasaba con amigos en la playa de Oregon el fin de semana pasada!